the last sin
  pale ashen sky
a bleary eye
clouds of recurring screams...
i am a zoo
  an octopus leviathan
tentacles into an ocean
of unformed emotions...
syphilis and love  
  syphilitic pall
stifles the clear blue
i contort...
shell and pearl
  amidst highs and lows
in life's ocean flows
a shell peony-mouthed...
i am an unmarried mother
  fed on stings
of barbed milk morality
my child-plankton...
the lovers
  cell upon cell
bridge of their union
hung on the pillars...
  ogre of age
and time cavil
at a warm picture...
the young today
  innocence thaws
at the altar
of ambition...

a beautiful mind

"a man forever voyaging
through strange seas of thought, alone."

genius can be cocky
when you lose a game of go
you say 'the game is flawed'
or artless
terming a date's final objective being
'fluid exchange'
or awkward in courtship
'ritual requires we proceed with a number
of platonic activities before we have sex'
then phantoms take over
and it all begins to fall apart
decoding moscow's coded messages
about an imminent hydrogen bomb
posting letters as 'classified' documents
to a nowhere destination
being trailed by an intrusive defence agent
living with shadows
becomes the order of the day
the nowhere man

how debilitating thought stalkers can be
a brilliant mind turns
a playing field of phantoms
a little girl that refuses to grow
creating abysses in mind
a regression into a lonely inner world
a price genius pays

a patient pregnant wife
jennifer connelly as alicia
believing 'something extraordinary is possible'
discovers your ghosts have come calling again
and screams an agonising scream
but for a moment and then perseveres
the healing touch of love
russell crowe's lithe body transforms into
a shaky john nash a schizophrenic
professor of mathematics at princeton
his walk his talk is real
he doesn't act any more

after insulin shocks
fighting paranoia with logic and will
seems the way out
can he do it?
learn to live with his ghosts?

and then the nobel prize happened
'you came here to find out if i am crazy
and would screw everything up if i won'
the ceremony of pens at princeton
tears well in my eyes
a recognition for the game theory
a new paradigm in economics
and the ultimate discovery
that the power of love is the enduring
defining moment in life.

(30 April 2002)