the last sin
  pale ashen sky
a bleary eye
clouds of recurring screams...
i am a zoo
  an octopus leviathan
tentacles into an ocean
of unformed emotions...
syphilis and love  
  syphilitic pall
stifles the clear blue
i contort...
shell and pearl
  amidst highs and lows
in life's ocean flows
a shell peony-mouthed...
i am an unmarried mother
  fed on stings
of barbed milk morality
my child-plankton...
the lovers
  cell upon cell
bridge of their union
hung on the pillars...
  ogre of age
and time cavil
at a warm picture...
the young today
  innocence thaws
at the altar
of ambition...

a conversation

hi sweetie long time no see or hear
yeah just been slogging at work
do you like my recent poetry?
i have always admired your style of writing
is your webcam working?
working the whole day with cams now i crave my privacy
but if i want to see you maybe cam is not such a bad idea
we have a new exciting desktop conferencing product
i have been doing the gui for it
i have a better idea

let's meet up when you are free

it will be good to see you
yeah same here
it will be chicken soup for my soul to see my mentor again

well it would be soupy for me too
let's get back to poetry
i usually like your poems on relationships or musings on life
rather than the event based ones

i remember i read one about making love
it started as the day of the paw

yup the lust trilogy
it talked about how love is often missing between two people
sharing a relationship

how sex is just an automatic process which has replaced love
i think as women in relationships we wonder
if the man is really present in spirit
he seems to be in it for the dependency

love without lust is dull and boring?
don't you think love and lust are opposites
they coexist to make the feeling more yin-yang
lust is selfish love is giving

but if you continue to give without expectation
love becomes an obligation
loses fire
fire burns and consumes another selfish creature
fire is also vitalising powerful humbling
when kept at a distance
maybe love is beautiful only from a distance

what else if not lust and love?
security friendship there is so much to love besides lust
do you believe to keep a physical relationship alive
lust is critical?
but if the only thing keeping it going is lust
there is something wrong with the union

'within the folds
of the subconscious
did lurk an untamed desire
to feel new experiences
new thrills new joys
new bodyhighs
to give in to the marauding
power of the flesh'
isn't that search emotional rather than physical?
'a sea contained a storm raging
within a seething

love has always confused me
it's an ocean of emotions
and replete with expectations
marriage scares me

and sex?
sex is basic
a natural desire like thirst

well sex and marriage aren't related
just convenient
but convenience has a role to play
i mean one can get married for friendship
or security but not for sex
why sex it's so easily available
why would one want to marry for it

but is it so easily available without the attendant hazards?
one can always find a lost soul
marriage is like a forever contract
like a family
sex is something that one craves for some time
why would one want to sacrifice everything for something
you only want once in a while
it's like living in a swimming pool to quench a thirst

true for women
but you know men are different
ruled by their groin
yeah but you do survive singledom
without falling over from lack of sex
i mean man is the only animal that uses sex for entertainment
everywhere else it's for procreation

but sex for entertainment is fun don't u think?
we can't have a very catholic view of sex
it's rigid and a big lie
i guess that's why i liked the metaphor of the paw
it's the need to be petted

but that's only half-true
paw in its passionate sense is more than petting
it's wild physical exploration
and pawing is lustful while petting may not be
it's kind of reassuring
petting is fun sensual desirable
even healthy

i think i crave mental compatibility before the physical
yes you do and it's cool
have you read the alchemist?
it's really beautiful the character i really identify with
she's called veronika decides to die

read and find out
in it there is a tale about a king and a well
talks about how man has created his own pseudo reality
and the need to look beyond that to appreciate life


did you read my poem cross-examination?
'every time i talk about your mind
i think about your breasts
metaphysical titillation makes
for a good alibi'
i was looking for cybersex cantos
cybersex is something i come across everyday

what do you think about it?
'people outgrow each other
men have multiple needs
read between the lines'
that is so true
men are just so lucky

in what way?
they have the combination of beauty brains and sensitivity
but so have women
yeah if one is a lesbian
please explain
something i have been giving serious consideration to
it's no bones that men are insensitive
they lack insight to a woman's soul
or the will to look inside

your turning lesbian will be a big loss to mankind
well that's some consolation
you are sensitive smart
soulful in some way sensual in other
all my boyfriends have been dying of despair
at my refusal to share myself
remember what happens to the ally macbeals of this world

physical or emotional?
we scare men
they get a harrison ford!
both i think
wow is that how it ends
i kind of liked robert downy jr.

sure you can't be a virgin!
but don't answer that's rather personal and direct

what about cybersex?
i tried once but it felt stupid
in what way?
it compensates for the distance
mocks control and gratifies the need for romance
kinda like a public urinal

it can be as private as your bedroom
it's like a public one when you are doing it with a stranger
in fact i would even back a cyber marriage


we have been chatting for over five years or so
most of my friends i can hardly call stimulating
which way?
nice smile but you haven't answered
mostly mentally
they lack the tenacity and the flexibility
for a livewire relationship

you can't underplay physical chemistry too
i have never shared chemistry with most people
it works when emotional dependency kicks in

you are an intense person
is intensity another name for caution
don't we often hide behind our own insecurities.

( 14-15 September 2002 )